HERE ARE FIVE REASONS WHY YELLING AT YOUR KIDS DOESN’T WORK

Yelling at your kids might feel like a quick fix, but it often does more harm than good.

According to the experts, understanding the reasons behind why yelling at your child can help you foster a healthier, more effective connection with your children.

Yelling can derail the lesson/information you are trying to communicate

In an interview with Parents.com, Laura Markham, PhD, a clinical psychologist and author, states that yelling at a child can cause them to become scared. When children become scared, their brains respond in fight-or-flight mode, shutting down. Whatever lesson/information you are trying to communicate to the child gets lost because the learning center has shut down as the brain views yelling as danger.

Instead, Dr. Markham suggests that “peaceful and calm communication helps a child feel safe and makes them more receptive to the lesson we’re teaching.”

Yelling can make a child feel devalued

Joseph Shrand, MD, the chief medical officer of Riverside Community Care in Massachusetts reminds us that we all like to feel valued, even children. Yelling at a child immediately gives them a sense of being devalued.

“The common thread that binds all people together is wanting to feel valued,” Dr. Shrand told Parents. “Yelling is one of the fastest ways to make someone feel they don’t have value.”

Dr. Markham added, “When we’re angry and start yelling, we’re seeing ourselves as a hammer and everyone around us a nail. Our children should never feel like the enemy.”

Yelling can fuel anxiety

Yelling, according to Dr. Markham can exacerbate a child’s worries, creating anxiety and even depression.

Neil Bernstein, PhD, a clinical psychologist and author, continues the conversation, emphasizing that when a child is yelled at, it creates an “explosion of negativity that lingers for a long time.”

Yelling derails bonding with your child

“Yelling breaks your connection with your child and puts your relationship bank account in the red,” explained Dr. Markham.

Dr. Bernstein added, “In my 40 years as a psychologist, I’ve seen thousands of kids and have never had one tell me they felt closer to their parent after being yelled at.”

Simply put, yelling at your child can cause irrevocable damage to any strong bonds that both parent and child want and hope to create.

Yelling at your child can create long-term negative effects

Scores of studies have highlighted the negative impact of yelling on children. One study classified yelling as a form of “harsh discipline” and found that children subjected to being yelled at by their parents are more likely to face adverse effects including: lower academic performance, behavioral issues, and increased risk of delinquency.

Other studies focusing on brain development revealed that children who endure frequent verbal abuse, such as yelling, can suffer significantly altered development.

The experts suggest instead of yelling at your child, try these things instead:

• Pause and take a breath before responding. Give yourself a minute to respond calmly.
• Use a calm and firm voice. Your child will understand you mean business without you raising your voice.
• Set clear expectations so that everyone is on the same page with boundaries and consequences.
• Give yourself child choices so that they can have a sense of control within the scope of conversation.
• Remember to always use positive reinforcement and praise.
• Set a good example by managing your own emotions. Children mimic the actions of their parents.

Instead of fostering understanding and respect, yelling may escalate conflicts and damage the parent-child relationship. Being patient and compassionate helps build a stronger connection with your child while also guiding them down a better path of healthy development.